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October 9, 2013 – Monologue Jokes

1. Monday night, actor Tom Hanks revealed that he has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Which isn’t all bad news because now Hanks can play roles intended for black guys, too. 2. Doctors say Hanks...

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October 10, 2013 – Monologue Jokes

1. Cell phones users will soon be able to log onto a mobile app, indicate a desired amount of money and receive it within seconds from an ATM, without the use of a debit card. “Finally,” said muggers....

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November 4, 2014 – Monologue Jokes

1. Lena Dunham canceled several appearances to promote her new book after allegations emerged that passages in that book amount to an admission that she molested her younger sister as a child. “And...

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June 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to sources, Jeb Bush will announce his bid for the Republican presidential nomination on June 15 in Miami. So now, once again, John Travolta’s sexuality is the world’s worst kept secret....

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April 11, 2016 – Monologue Jokes

1. Someone is trying to sell an amphibious Lamborghini on eBay for over $26,000. Because you’re penis doesn’t stop being small just because you’re no longer on land. 2. On Friday, a 27-year-old...

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April 19, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. A suspected pickpocket faced charges Monday for allegedly stealing more than 100 cell phones at this weekend’s Coachella music festival. Begging the question, if no one can Instagram Coachella, did...

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April 21, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. New England Patriot defensive end Alan Branch said he decided to skip going to the White House to meet President Trump on Wednesday because he “couldn’t shake his hand and look my daughters in the...

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October 7, 2019 – Monologue Jokes

1. Authorities say that temporary water filters installed in homes in Newark are at least 97 percent effective in reducing lead in drinking water. “Newark? You know what, I think we’re good right...

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November 25, 2019 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to a recent article, Mayor Pete Buttigieg only packed four shirts for his bus tour around Iowa. And when he says he only packed four shirts, he means it: 2. President Trump reportedly...

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March 16, 2020 – Monologue Jokes

1. Doctors who transplanted a complete penis onto a wounded soldier reported Wednesday that the man has regained near-normal erections and the ability to achieve orgasm more than one year after the...

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April 27, 2020 – Monologue Jokes

1. Street artist Banksy revealed his latest work, a picture that he painted on the wall of his bathroom while under coronavirus quarantine. While my roommate revealed more of a Jackson Pollack in our...

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